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Article courtesy of the Washington Post:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/ask-amy-family-wants-to-exclude-aunt-from-moms-memorial/2015/03/18/6f6a87e6-ccc3-11e4-8c54-ffb5ba6f2f69_story.html?tid=pm_lifestyle_pop_b
DEAR HURTING: I am so sorry for your loss. This extra family challenge doesn’t make things easier. The way you’ve worded your note to your aunt, however, frames it as a (rhetorical) question. Questions, of course, beg to be answered. Because you don’t want an answer, you shouldn’t ask.
You can choose not to inform your aunt of the memorial service and hope she doesn’t find out about it. Or if she already knows, you can contact her to say, “We are mourning our mother’s death. Because of the estrangement between the two of you and your often expressed negative feelings toward the rest of the family, we think it would be best if you didn’t attend the service.”
Prepare yourself as well as you can that she might see this as a challenge. If she shows up, accept it. But if she gets out of hand, ask a friend, spouse or the funeral director to firmly and politely escort her to her car.
